Despondent! One word that describes my life today, or maybe tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow or maybe longer, no sooner I’d find it constant still. I don’t know, they say feelings can be controlled, forgetting it can’t be “thoroughly”.
If such emotion has a form, I would have liken it to a “wind”, it comes and you know not whence. it blows on you and it chills you. It gives coldness, and takes away warmth. It refreshes in its mildness and bestow discomfort in its extremity. But you know where must you be to have most of it and a place of hiding to have none of it. However, it is always there, and is never gone, beside? Above? Beneath? Touching your skin without consent. Invisible, noiseless, hushed but you know its there.
Its an awful acquaintance, and an unwanted friend. He delights in sharing his load with you, not mentioning, ‘a whole lot of load’; a world for you to carry. He pushes you here and there, he often stops you from taking many good opportunities, and grabs you over to quick remedies – that doesn’t really work.
But I’m glad somehow, in a sense, that he will be with me for a while, to continually remind me about someone, not just ‘some’ one, but ‘the’ one who would take his place.
Blessed misery. Blessed…