Overwhemled but Hopeful

Dec – 13 – 2016 Currently in my 3rd year as an IT student.

  • i love programming in JAVA
  • almost a year coding in PHP (still a novice)
  • recently introduced myself in git
  • trying to learn javascript and jquery
  • trying to casually learn API/REST
  • wanting to learn bootstrap
  • wanting to familiarize PYTHON
  • Learning the Linux environment so that
  • I can create a Web Server at home
  • And try to host my site remotely
  • wanting to learn MVC
  • for PHP framework: Laravel and Angular

For me, there is little to learn at school, they teach us heavily on stuffs like theories and models , also the documentation and management part of software development and not much on actual programming. We hardly touch OOP in our curiculum and I have just been told that without advance knowledge of OOP, then there could be little to no opportunity in IT industry.

Overwhelmed by this set of skills to master (if possible); the thought nearly cripples me.
Because I know my capacity, it would take me a measure of time to even understand and familiarize a thing, i would keep notes of the languages and even revisit my previous project for reference. To add, I am not getting any younger, I am at my prime and still hadn’t get ahead of life.

However dark my current situation have become, I am still hopeful. Hopeful and determined to catch up (if i can) on the life I’m suppose to be living. Next school year will be the last year that I can dedicate myself to learn without distraction. I promise to cut myself out from unnecessary activities like playing games. These following precepts will hover over my head for the next years.

“Pay now play later, play now pay later.”

“If I don’t have to do it, I won’t. If I have to do it, I’ll make it quick.”
– Oreki Houtarou

On Track!

Getting back was pretty tough.

Even writing a new piece here on my blog, is sure taking its toll. The skill I have in writing have been long unpolished, long unused and I feel it’s rusting.

I do have a lot of skills under my sleeves. I know a lot of things like playing different kinds of instruments and I was good even in drawing or sketching. However, lately I am currently learning a new skill which is computer programming. And this skill is so vast its literally a universe.

It is like a tree with hundreds of branches and those branches have hundreds of mini branches in it and a thousand of leaves in it. Where the branches represents the programming languages, the mini-branches represents the tools, functions and processes of each languages and the leaves are the result of all those things combined. The trunk connects those languages together in a way that makes all those languages essential to one another. The roots are the histories that made these futuristic things possible and they are of incalculable value.

And here I am, an ant in this big damn tree trying to decide what branch to take, crawling over this vast amount of knowledge freely acquired in just a click of a mouse.

I know that I am not that good, but I also know that I don’t suck at anything I put my mind into. You see, over these past years… when I learned something of my utmost interest, I excel at it and loved the results. And this time, at this critical moment of my life where I am ever more determined to pursue this career path, I won’t let anyone tell me that I cannot be, want I really wanted to be. To be an innovative programmer.

And yet, this is just a means to an end.

Messy thoughts no. 3

My life is just getting sadder and sadder, like a mellow music in a beach under a pouring rain. When it seems redemption had took a long run away from me, and worries is just so above me, a hill or better yet a mountain. When dying would be much better than living. I’ve never been so coward or I’ve always been, but much more now. No sarcasm could appeal, no derision or humor could make it a little bit lighter. No advise could ease the burden, no words could possibly turn it around. No voice could make a difference, no man or woman could hold my hand and make me stand. I grieved about my past, I am sorrowful about what I’ve become and perhaps will still be afflicted in the years to come. My heart is about to burst, my tears is about to fill an ocean, no man will know, no man will ever fathom how much I hate, how much I hurt, how much sometimes I look strong but ever fragile, how much I laugh and how much I cry, how much I wanted to go away from the noise, from other people, and all other things that plague my everyday life. 

End of messy thoughts.

Poesy no. 32

I was listening to this while making this poem. Hope you like it. Anyway, I do not own the image. Credits to you!


The thoughts I think

Ask me not to where I rest my thoughts in hand
When I think quietly while sitting on a branch
I’d think of anything, everything under the sun
I think of you, I think of me, I think of running in the sand

I think of wind, I think of care, I think of everything unseen
I think of skin, I think of light, I think of all that can be seen

I think of glee, I think of tears, I think of how they ache our hearts
I think of sex, i think of war, I think of how they make an art

I think of fame, I think of shame, I think of how they share a seat
I think of wealth, I think of land, I think of how much does a man need

I think of love, I think of lust, I think of how we mixed the two
I think of sleep, I think of dream, I think of nothing else to do

I think of stroll, I think of cars, I think of everywhere to roam
I think of words, I think of rhymes, I think of how to end this poem

I think of you, I think of you, and I’m lost in wondering
I think this music that I am hearing is pulling all the strings

– music off –

Poesy no. 31

Credits to whoever made this train art. Its beautiful!



Come with me O awfully
Graciously appeal
Take the night and find a way
to simply disappear

Gloom be me see my veins
Sail away in blue
Skies become my mourning friend
I cried I said I do

I do!
yes I do admit to all
Who else, who else can see
the woe in me? yea always be
Until I do find thee!

The Words

The Words
 was slowly immersed, it was like swimming in my world of frustration.

It was a mistake I could have also done under desperate circumstance but I have my own vision of what my life would become, and I am not afraid if it would turn out just like in the movie. I fear not if what I think I ought to be comes to naught. Yet, there will be always a subtle sigh of regret.

“He tried to write but the words just wouldn’t come.” A phrase I could never forget, for I too have longed to be one, have not stop longing still for here I am, in front of my computer, at my blog, writing something. Trying to be what I believe I wanted to become.

This motion picture has truly inspired me. There are a lot of thoughts suggested, principles and values shown. About truth and about life. But it touches me deeper than I could have imagine, I say these words like an accessories and I could also say that there are no words fit of an expression on how I really feel. These preliminary thoughts I think I should write are wholesome and fresh. Not so carefully thought out but also not like a river flow. It would seem like a calm waves of the sea. Just a little splash and a quiet rustling of the sand.

“I love the words more than the person that gave me the inspiration.” Inspired me in a sense to find my inspiration not so that I could write, but so that I could love, live and give and write or perhaps sing about it.

I recommend this movie on all ages, there were no pornographic stuff, just little kissing scenes that aren’t really disturbing, it was so beautiful. So hearty and intelligent. It was a story about a story within a story. As we all say in our language, “Kompletos Ricados” (All in one!) No dull moments, cannot be dragging, it got my whole attention with every word until the end. I will watch this again soon after finding the book and read it for myself, I’m sure it would be a lot more intense and profound reading THE WORDS.

– end –

Poesy no. 30

I did not get the chance to post this yesternight because I was so preoccupied.
Thus, NaPoWriMo’s One poem a day is complete! 😀 I’m happy for myself and
congratulations to all others who participated too. Happy NaPoWriMo!